So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I wish there were birth control emojis
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
