There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
this hospital has no fireball
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
