If that was your dad, he is hot
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
