The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
