I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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