So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
