Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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