We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
