If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
