he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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