He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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