I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
