Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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