That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I need to sanitize my soul.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
