I look better un-naked...
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
