he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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