You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
