I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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