Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
