he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
