This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
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