How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
im holly from the hills drunk
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
