i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
