Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
