guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Houston, we have a squirter
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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