Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
