Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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