Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
