I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
