I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
