The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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