Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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