I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
