So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
