The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
