the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
