the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
