Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
