The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
