My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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