Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
