Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
