How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
