remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Randomize
