just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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