I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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