Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Please, let me fuck your mom
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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