one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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