Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
