a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
