I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
