could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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