i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
