what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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